Capture the moment

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Originally uploaded by timjones.

Shower

Originally uploaded by yannfaucher

Sleeping Around

Am I to understand that there is no pure friendship between gay men? If I offered someone a place to stay when they are drunk or anything, that there is an automatic retribution in sexual favors?

Sometimes I really don't want to have sex. I am still hung up on the last guy who was here. Note this, I am not someone who sleeps around. The number of men I've slept with within the last 10 years could be counted by all the fingers in one hand.

Lately a friend came for a visit. In the middle of the night I noticed him wedging towards me on my bed. I know it's stupid to sleep in the same bed with someone especially if you just met the person, but I tried putting him on the couch, but he wanted to sleep in bed and practically dragged me in the bed with him despite the fact that I made a floor bed for myself using my blankets.

I felt his hands feeling up on me. Maybe it's the loneliness, maybe I am doing it out of spite, but when he kissed, I kissed back. Of course, things got out of hand at the time. In the middle of the kiss, I realized I didn't want to do it anymore, but out of courtesy I kept going. Sure, the body felt good, but the mind is wishing he were someone else...

Does this kind of thing happen often? Is it normal? I feel dirty........

Honesty

We desire to be understood and we try to be as honest as possible, but honesty is a two sided blade...
Wanting to have you being honest is like watching a scary movie when I was eight. I want to know what happens, but knowing it will horrify me and keep me up at night.

Can we promise each other to always be honest and never hurt each other in the process?

Temperature

Is it true the people who are from colder areas are slow to warm up compared to people who are from the tropics?
The temperature makes people of colder areas a little more standoff-ish, and the warmer area people more affectionate.

I live in Los Angeles. A place that is just in between. We never get too warm or too cold here.

Maybe that's why I am apathic to many things. Maybe that's why my excitement is always lukewarm. Maybe that's why I am never too sad.

I should move to somewhere warmer...maybe that'll warm up my heart too.

A tub of dye...

Feelings for someone is like a tub of water from the beginning,
colorless...

As you get along more and more feeling arise for that person,
the colors are added to the water,
love is red,
happiness is yellow,
jealousy is green,
melancholy is blue,
and sadness is gray.

In the end, the unique color of mixture is what you feel for that person...

Most people after they are done with a relationship, they jump into another one...
and more colors are added to that already murky water.

The jealousy, hate, happiness, and hurt from the previous relationship gets transferred to the next person...
You don't know what you feel for the person is authentic anymore...

That's why I want to empty myself,
empty the dyes from you,
so I can start anew,
and give the most authentic feelings of me to the next person...

I am emptying you out...

Love passes me by...

So why does it happen? The good things I want...are always on the way to somewhere else?

Love...passes me by once again...

I had an amazing weekend with him. We actually met for two days in Taipei. He felt easy to the eyes. We didn't hold hands, and I had no strong urge to be with him. Until 5 days ago, I was trying to see if I could get out of showing him around the town. Then...some good weather, a bit of a view, a relay to a boba place, and an afternoon of a great conversation...

Add some loneliness and a whole heck a lot of sexual attraction... The sex was great, probably the best I have ever had...for three nights...

I miss him already, yet, I don't even know if our paths would ever cross again.