One week till possible end

So this could be the end of the reason why I started this journal.

The person I have been having feelings for has a secret, and I think I am feeling jealousy for it.

I think we've made a little progress today, after driving home from snowboarding. He jokingly caressed my ear, and hugged me before he went into the house (which he never does because he's closeted).

Another friend of mine called me this very night. He had something on his mind, kept mentioning he does not want to jeopardize our friendship. He was nervous, and his speech was in circles. I knew something was up. After letting out a long sigh, I jokingly commanded him to just let it out.

"I was together with J when I was in LA..., I feel really guilty about not telling you before. I wanted to tell you, but J didn't feel comfortable. When things got on, it just became harder and harder..."

The words sounded like a thundering roar in my head. My ears are still ringing, but I had to react quick. It felt as if an axe had struck my heart, splitting it in two. Still, I wish to save his friendship...at least I thought so at the moment.

I assured him that it was alright that he didn't tell me, because he finally did come clean with me now.

"This is so embarrassing... I broke up with him first, but now that I am coming back to LA, I think I want to get back together with him again."

Hack, hack, and the ax does not stop.

I had no idea how I got through the rest of the phone conversation sounding so hyper and happy. Jealousy is tearing me apart.

"I plan to call him tomorrow and talk about it... If you saw me this weekend, it means good news."

So, an ultimatum. My heart is hanging in the middle of nowhere, waiting to be dropped or saved.

Good luck...to him or myself...I really don't know anymore.